There was a time when I said I would be devastated if I had to break up with Pure Barre. The kind of devastation where you binge on pints of Ben & Jerry’s and sob while watching The Notebook. That’s some pretty serious devastation, especially for an exercise breakup. But guess what, you guys. It has happened. I wouldn’t say I’ve had a full on breakup with Pure Barre, but our relationship has definitely cooled off. We no longer have a monthly unlimited commitment to one another. We don’t see each other five to six times a week. We’re actually lucky to get together once or twice a week. And honestly? It’s not Pure Barre. It’s me. It’s so me.
You see, a little over a year ago I had this really massive life change. Perhaps you’re familiar with it? It’s called having a baby. For a solid year, I fought to keep Pure Barre in my life. There were times where I was able to go more than others. There were literal entire months that I went ZERO times, and then there were a few (and I do mean few) weeks where I was able to go as many as four times. As of late, though, it just hasn’t been something that works with my life and my schedule. Mostly because I can’t leave Beckett at home to fend for himself while I get my LTB on, and Pure Barre doesn’t offer child care. [Side note: I’m upset with you about this, Pure Barre corporate, but that’s a story for another day.] And so the breakup happened. I made the decision to do workouts at home while Beckett is sleeping or find a gym that offers child care.
It seriously took me a year to come to this realization. You know why? Because I was holding on to the idea of my pre-mom self. I just couldn’t let her go. On some level, I still longed for that part of me and my life to remain the same. I wanted to continue going to barre nearly every day of the week. I wanted to see my Pure Barre friends and keep that community in my life. I wanted an excuse to buy those fabulous new Alo leggings and Beyond Yoga tank. I wanted to reclaim my toned body post-baby. I wanted to feel that high I get everytime I finish class.
But here’s the thing – you can’t have your cake and eat it too. You can’t be your pre-mom self and your mom self at the same time. Yes, there are many aspects of your pre-baby life that carry over to your post-baby life, and I’m a huge proponent of not giving up your whole self and losing your identity in being a mom. By all means, make it a point to stay invested and interested in those things that make you feel like you – the things that make you come alive. But there’s a balance that you have to achieve. There are some things that just won’t fit into your life after you have a child. And you know what? That is one hundred and ten percent OK.
In retrospect, I feel like trying to fit Pure Barre into my life over the past year has been more stressful than anything. Forcing myself to find two hour windows of time where someone else can watch Beckett is not an easy feat; and it’s certainly not an easy feat to tackle multiple times per week. So I’m letting that stress go. I’m loosening that tight grip I had on one of the last pieces of my childless life. Instead, I’m embracing who I am now and the stage of life I’m in. I’m making peace with my non-Pure-Barre-mom-life. And I may be a less in shape, less toned version of myself, but I truly think that embracing this change will make me a better mom. And for me, putting the focus on my son trumps a toned body any day of the week.