This is something I’ve been contemplating writing for a while, and I just haven’t pulled the trigger until now. I’ve been hesitant because I certainly don’t want to offend anyone with a massive rock on their finger. That’s not my point at all. This is my point…

The size of the diamond on your engagement ring is not important at all. There. I said it. In a world where men are supposed to spend the equivalent of three month’s salary on a ring for their beloved and where women push back getting married because they demand having a diamond of X size or of X value, I’m telling you it’s not important. 

“Then why are you showing us that big sparkly diamond?” you say. Because that big sparkly diamond is precisely why my views on engagement rings are what they are. My dad gave my mom that ring after nearly THIRTY years of marriage. THIRTY. Not when he was asking her to be his wife. Not when he was asking her to spend the rest of her life with him and build a family and a life together. When he asked her to do those things, he asked her with a much smaller ring. Much. Much. Smaller.

And that small ring is the ring my mom wore while I was growing up. I knew the ring. I knew what it symbolized, but I never put much emphasis on it. What I learned later in life was that my parents’ marriage is where the emphasis was – both for them and now for me. My parents’ marriage is beautiful. It’s much more beautiful than any diamond ring I’ve ever laid eyes on. They love each other. They respect each other. They support each other. They like each other. After nearly 34 years of marriage, they like spending time together and enjoy one another’s company. I could go on, but you get the point. 

I was and still am incredibly fortunate to be able to witness their marriage. It has set the expectations I have for my own marriage, and it has brought to light what is important in a marriage and what isn’t. It has taught me that love is not a reflection of the size of your diamond. The love you share can be substantially larger than your diamond. It can also be much smaller, but we won’t go there. 

Please keep in mind I have zero problems with large diamonds. Zero. If you’re wearing one on your finger right now, you go girlfriend! The only issue I have is when the diamond is more important than the love. It doesn’t matter how big your diamond is. If you go through a really tough time in your marriage, that bling isn’t going to be what pulls you through. Your love and your relationship are the things that will pull you through. So instead of focusing on the size of your ring, focus on the size of your love. That’s what matters now, and that’s what is going to matter in the years to come.