Wedding Tips

How to Include Your Fiance in the Wedding Planning Process

April 16, 2018

Farmer and Frenchman wedding. Photographed by Morgan Williams Photography.

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Hi I’m Morgan! I’m a photography educator and Raleigh, NC newborn photographer and family photographer.

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It’s rare that you hear a guy talk about how he’s been dreaming of his wedding day his whole life. Ladies on the other hand? Well, let’s just say you hear it a lot more from them. So it’s only natural that the bride-to-be takes the lead when that sparkly piece of jewelry is placed on her left ring finger.

She finally turns that private wedding Pinterest board public and she starts scheming away to turn her dreams into her reality. That guy that she’s marrying? Well, he didn’t even know she had been planning this wedding since before she met him, and before he knows it, the wedding is done, planned and all he has to do is show up in a tux. Sound familiar?

It happens all. the. time. And many times the groom doesn’t mind, so the issue isn’t that it affects your relationship. It’s that your wedding turns into your sole vision – a reflection of only the bride and not the groom.

So how can this be avoided? How can you make sure your wedding is a reflection of both of you? Well, grab a cup of coffee or a glass of wine and listen up, sister, because I’m about to tell you!

How to Include Your Fiance in the Wedding Planning Process

Step 1: Talk to Your Fiance

First thing’s first, girlfriend. If your fiance doesn’t know that you actually want his input, he’s likely to just stand idly by and nod his head and smile when you ask for his opinion. So have a conversation not only about how you want him to be involved but why.

Explaining that you want his involvement so that this incredibly special day that is about both of you actually reflects both of you is key in getting this thing started. Tell him that you want your wedding day to represent your relationship. You want it to represent the unique things about both of you. YES, it’s likely going to be a bit feminine with all of the floral decor and what-not, but that doesn’t mean there can’t be masculine elements incorporated as well.

Your day is about way more than sparkly details and pretty flowers. It’s about the commitment that you’re making to one another, the love that you’re celebrating, and the foundation that you’re building your future upon. It is about BOTH of you, and communicating that piece of it to him will likely open his mind up to being involved.

Step 2: Discuss Your Vision

It’s fine. You can admit it. You’ve absolutely been thinking about this day since before you had that ring on your finger. Maybe it didn’t start when you were a little girl. Maybe your wedding dreams started when you realized that he was the one. Regardless, though, you’re not just now starting to think about how your wedding day might pan out.

So tell him what you’re thinking! What colors are you envisioning? What kind of wedding venue sounds like a dream to you? What kind of ceremony details sound like an absolute nightmare? Share your thoughts and get his feedback!

There’s a really solid chance that a lot of this is going to be brand new to him, so if he doesn’t give you feedback immediately, don’t fret. Give him a few days to let it sink in, and then revisit the conversation later if he doesn’t have much to say the first time around.

Step 3: Give Him Responsibilities

Even when you do make a solid attempt to involve your fiance, there’s a really high likelihood that you’re still going to be making most of the decisions. I mean, he can tell you he’s not crazy about your color pallette until he’s blue in the face, but let’s be honest. You’re totally going to go with that color pallette.

And you know what? That’s fine! Chances are he doesn’t actually care all that much about what color your bridesmaids’ dresses are. At the same time, though, there are probably a few things he really does care about.

For grooms, those things are usually in the realm of food, drinks, music/entertainment and honeymoon. Choose at least a couple of things and give him complete control over them. I mean, yeah, he should definitely ask for your opinion. You asked for his opinion about your color pallette after all. But let him HAVE a couple of things.

Whether it’s a signature drink or your honeymoon destination, let the man make a couple of wedding decisions all on his own. It takes some pressure off of you and it gives him some ownership in your wedding day.

Farmer and Frenchman wedding. Photographed by Morgan Williams Photography.

 

Here’s the thing. When you look back at your wedding years from now, when you tell your kids about it, your grandkids about it, how special will it be to point out the details that represented your relationship so well at the time? Talking about the heartfelt story behind why you chose the venue you did or how you worked together to choose the perfect invitations will leave behind such a beautiful story and legacy of your day.

 

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