I’ve sat down to write this multiple times now, and I’m having trouble finding the right words. How do I sum up your first year of life in one little letter? All of the joy, the hardships and (many) moments of learning, the love – how can it be summed up? Well the truth is, is that it can’t. Your first year and what it’s meant to me is worth so much more than the words I can fit in this blog post, but I’ll try to do it justice.
When we brought you home nearly 365 days ago, I thought to myself “what have I done?!” if I’m being completely honest. Oh, I loved you something fierce. But being thrown into the deep end of parenthood head first with no life jacket was a little bit of a shock to my system. Our first few weeks together were filled with an overwhelming love and joy, complete awe and wonder, countless hormonal tears, very limited sleep and LOTS of learning about what being a mother meant. Just looking at you would trigger tears – happy tears I might add. I didn’t log much sleep at all. Of the few hours I did log, at least half were on the fuzzy white rug on your nursery floor. We powered through the afternoons with walks around our Chicago neighborhood and daily trips to Starbucks. Just a few weeks ago I drove those exact streets again and was flooded with emotion, because they made me think of you. They made me think of our early days together.
Even though those first few weeks were trying, I remember them so fondly. Those were the weeks where we adjusted to the new normal of life with you – and what an incredible joy that new normal has been. To think of all you’ve learned in the past year is astounding. You’ve grown from a helpless newborn baby into a little toddler who walks, jibber jabbers, laughs the sweetest baby giggles, hugs, dances and gets into every single thing he can. You melt my heart on a daily basis and make me wonder how I ever lived without the joy you bring to my life.
Sometimes I think about how crazy it is that I lived 29 years without knowing you. It feels like I’ve known you my whole life. But then I think about how much you’ve changed my life since you’ve been in it, and I know that this past year brought about a new person in me; one I didn’t know those first 29 years.
You’ve taught me so much. You’ve taught me what it feels like to love someone so much that it literally feels like your heart is walking around outside of your body. You’ve showed me what’s important. You’ve showed me that material things are not what bring us true happiness. Time spent with the ones we love is. You’ve made me desire to be a better person everyday. I am one of your most impactful role models, after all. I feel that it’s my duty to show you how to live your life, how to be kind and love others, how to make the world a better place. I hope that I can teach you as much as you’ve already taught me.
You make me so happy, Beckett, and I feel like the luckiest person on earth to be your mom. I hope you always keep that beautiful smile plastered to your face, never stop moving and keep on busting out your stellar dance moves. I hope you always remember to love unconditionally and look for opportunities to serve others at every turn. More than anything, I always always ALWAYS hope you’re happy and feel loved. You mean the world to me. Never forget that.